19th of May 2011

Posted: May 19, 2013 in 2013 postings
Tags: , ,

There was nothing special about this day until after work…

It was a Thursday…a very normal Thursday. It started out like every other day. I woke up to those awkward ‘happy birthday family stunts’ peculiar to the Temitope clan, stared at the numerous missed calls and text messages on my phone, got ready for work and then joined the madness of Lagos on my way to Ojodu Berger where my office was located. Surprisingly, the world did not stop spinning on its axis because it was my birthday and somewhere deep inside of me, i actually debated the sensibility in Government declaring everyone’s birthday a personal public holiday…LOL.

Work also was normal. Well, as normal as it was way back when I only just started my career in branding 2 months earlier and I was still struggling to grapple with the reality that what philosophy taught me were fallacies for years, branding is now telling me are fundamental human truths. Yes…those were normal days. I spent that day in the company of the awesomest peeps ever: Jason Abaga, Eniola Olatunji, Mamudu chioma, Herman Everett and Fanen Acho. I did some work, received some calls and some texts, blushed a few times and before i knew it, it was time to go home.

Then things got really interesting…

I boarded a bus from Omole to Ojota…It was a normal ride. Then i boarded another bus from Ojota to Ojuelegba-stadium-barracks and then in those few minutes that i spent in that bus, my destiny would have received some serious panel beating…believe me when i say it was not a normal ride.

I sat right behind the driver in the danfo bus. Between the driver and the passenger seat in front was a huge space and in that space was a huge speaker and from that speaker blared the loudest and most insane combination of musical sounds, disguised as Fuji. The speaker was practically facing me and i felt like i was surely going to either die or go deaf that evening. So i did what every sensible and educated human being would have done. I pleaded with the driver and conductor to reduce the volume of the speaker, but they refused. Infact, it seemed like the more i pleaded, the louder the speaker went. The most annoying thing was that other passengers in the bus were also grumbling, albeit under their breath. Suddenly, i got so angry and that i thought to myself “What the hell, it’s my birthday for Pete’s sake”. So i did the unthinkable.

I savagely cut the wire connecting the speaker to the deck.

The driver was so shocked that he swerved and nearly hit another car. The initial silence that engulfed us in the bus as everyone tried to internalize what i had just done was like the silence of the last 5 seconds before a time bomb explodes. Oh yes…it did explode. And then, as if on cue, the driver and conductor started raining curses and obscenities on me, threatening to deal with me mercilessly whenever i got to my bus stop because they couldn’t lay their hands on me in the jam packed bus. In that very moment my eyes opened and i realized how huge, black and hard looking these guys compared to me. In that very moment, i became sober, i started sweating and my bladder filled up. So i thought to myself, “Surely i am dead”. Still, for the sake of pride, I still ran my mouth as best as I could.

Then we got to the dreaded bus stop.

The bus got to Ojuelegba almost empty as lots of passengers had alighted at their bus stops. So the conductor moved to sit behind the front passenger seat and beside me so as to block me in as we approached Ojuelegba. All the while, they fed my mind with gruesome images of what they would do to me when we got to my bus stop. By this time, I was physically trembling and drenched in sweat. Then we got to Ojuelegba and something happened.

The escape and the run of life

 It all happened in the blink of an eye. Our bus was stopped to allow flow of traffic for those moving from Yaba to Lawanson. While we waited to be passed, some agberos started bugging the conductor of my bus so he stood up to hang at the door of the bus in order to wad them off while other agberos bugged the driver. In that second of brief distraction, the instinct of self-preservation took over me. Now things began to happen in slow motion. Before you knew it, I was behind the passenger seat, right beside the hanging and distracted conductor, but there was no way to get out of the bus without pushing him out of the way and there was no way I could successfully push him out of the way with his bulk. So I suddenly grabbed him by his belt with both hands pulled him into the bus with all my strength and as he lost his balance, I pushed him out of the bus with all the God given strength I had. While he was in mid-air, I flew out of the bus and hit the ground running. The driver realized what had happened, flew after me and then the conductor joined him when he recovered from his fall. Dressed in shirt and tie and carrying a backpack with a laptop in it, I fled through the streets of Ojuelegba. I ran for dear life, I ran the race of life, I ran screaming. Oh how they chased me. I took them round Ojuelegba, less concerned about the bewildered look on the faces of people that rushed pass me in a daze. All of a sudden they couldn’t chase me no more, yet I wasn’t done running.

 The last stretch home

I looked back at some point and realized that they had stopped chasing me. They simply stood there looking at me and daring me to come closer. Yea right! Like no way in hell that’s gonna happen dudes. After waiting for a while, they got into their bus and drove off. I sat down on the road side for another 10 minutes trying to catch my breath. As I stood up to continue my journey home, I caught a glimpse of my face in a glass and thought to myself, “that face could have been reconstructed just a few minutes ago” and so for the first time that day, I looked up and whispered a word of gratitude to the forces that watched over me.

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Comments
  1. nugrin says:

    Nice piece bard

  2. Folu Adeyeye says:

    Hahahahahahaha! This never gets old! Still got me racking up! Lol.

  3. kikiope says:

    Awesome story!!!! Looooolllzzz

  4. geebee says:

    N I tot u wia juus crazy *in shock*…  =))˚°◦ see as laff . won . comot my
    _\\_ waist.‎​

  5. deoyespage says:

    Maybe your listening contraption is not good enough. But Fuji can be cool…it is actually cool. It just boils down to your perspective. Anyway, why you no wait? You for know say street get hin own University.

  6. TCrown says:

    Can’t believe I was practically dropping tears after reading this, to the extent I couldn’t see to type. Tope u such a Bard Madt dude (meen can’t imagine my small Tope beaten. Those guys are full of shit (Marijuanna and d likes) pls next time just get off d bus even if u have to let go d cash or perhaps ask for ur balance @ where u’re stopped. HBD dearie.. Cheers…

  7. Amara says:

    Iwo jebi. Why didn’t u wait for them to ‘sand paper’ your mouth for you? But I’m sure this experience hasn’t stopped you from running your mouth, just that you know where to take it to now.
    It’s a very hilarious one though.

  8. Opeyemi says:

    Hilarious…
    =))º°˚˚˚°ºнaĦaнaº°˚˚˚°º‎​=))

  9. taiyelolu says:

    LOL u woulda been Dead and its not funny, don’t do silly things like that no more just leave d bus or change sits, pls. Lmfaaaaao! Okbye

  10. Eniola Johnson says:

    This is the most hilarious thing I’ve read today. The Temitope clan has some weird characters as children tho’. So glad I know the lot… And Uncle Jojo happy birthday in arrears.

  11. seyi says:

    You have a poweful story telling wit. That skill if nutured is a very good page tunner…

  12. seyi says:

    You have a powerful story telling wit.

  13. ayo says:

    I was trying hard nt too laff, but I did eventually, nice piece.

  14. mobola says:

    Kikikikikikikikikiikiiii! Race of life to bard! You for wait naa,good story..thumbs up!

  15. john nathaniel joey says:

    Awesome storytelling dude….pls don’t even think of pulling such stunt again..lol nice!

  16. Thanks guys…U make me blush with all you comments. Kinda feels good to know that peeps care about me ds much…LOL. Well i can’t promise i won’t attempt such again tho…*Forming Van Damme*

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